Who is this woman?? (I had to share this!)  

Monday, October 29, 2007

Even though this lady is residing in MY house, she may at some time appear in yours. Be Alert! A very weird thing has happened. A strange old lady has moved into my house. I have no idea who she is, where she came from, or how she got in. I certainly did not invite her. All I know is one day she wasn't there, and the next day she was!

She is a clever old lady and manages to keep out of sight for the most part, but whenever I pass a mirror, I catch a glimpse of her. And, whenever I look in the mirror to check my appearance, there she is hogging the whole thing, obliterating my gorgeous face and body. This is Very Rude! I have tried screaming at her, but she just screams back.

The least she could do is offer to pay part of the rent, but no. Every once in a while, I find a dollar bill stuck in a coat pocket, or some loose change under a sofa cushion, but it is not nearly enough.

I don't want to jump to conclusions, but I think she is stealing money from me. I go to the ATM and withdraw $100, and a few days later, it's all gone! I certainly don't spend money THAT fast, so I can only conclude the old lady is pilfering from me. You'd think she would spend some of that money to buy wrinkle cream.

And money isn't the only thing she is stealing. Food seems to disappear at an alarming rate - especially the good stuff like ice cream, cookies, and candy. She must have a real sweet tooth, but she'd better watch it, because she is really packing on the pounds. I suspect she realizes this, and to make herself feel better, she is tampering with my scales to make me think I am putting on weight too!

For an old lady, she is quite childish. She likes to play nasty games, like going into my closets when I'm not home and altering my clothes so they don't fit. And she messes with my files and papers so I can't find anything. This is particularly annoying since I am extremely neat and organized.

She has found imaginative ways to annoy me. She gets into my mail, newspapers, and magazines before I do and blurs the print so I can't read it. And, she has done something really sinister to the volume controls on my TV, radio, and telephone. Now, all I hear are mumbles and whispers.

She has done other things, like make my stairs steeper, my vacuum heavier and all the knobs and faucets are harder to turn. She even made my bed higher so that getting into and out of it is a real challenge. Lately, she has been fooling with my groceries before I put them away, applying glue to the lids, making it almost impossible for me to open the jars.

She has taken the fun out of shopping for clothes. When I try something on, she stands in front of the dressing room mirror and monopolizes it. She looks totally ridiculous in some of those outfits, plus, she keeps me from seeing how great they look on me.

Just when I thought she couldn't get any meaner, she proved me wrong. She came along when I went to get my picture taken for my driver's license, and just as the camera shutter clicked, she jumped in front of me!

I hope she never finds out where YOU live!

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5 comments: to “ Who is this woman?? (I had to share this!)

  • Elizabeth
    November 1, 2007 at 5:58 a.m.  

    Oh yes, that lady lives at my house, too :) I especially hate how she keeps shrinking my pants, and how she implants grey hairs in my head while I'm sleeping, that witch.

  • confessing7girl
    November 3, 2007 at 6:47 p.m.  

    oh that was the most beautiful post i hv ever read!!! it means soo many things and at the same time its so funny to read!! u did great taylor! amazing love it!

  • julie
    November 14, 2007 at 8:08 p.m.  

    Do you mean the one who lives here too? She is not a nice person, that woman,LOL!

    Love this post, very funny yet it made me pause for a while and think about the changes in me. And you know what, aside from the physical changes which I don't particularly enjoy, I think I have become a better person. With wider hips.

    Thanks :)

  • Taylor_Blue
    November 15, 2007 at 8:04 a.m.  

    thanks for stopping by Julie...I know that lady is at my house most of the time!

  • Anonymous
    June 5, 2008 at 12:50 p.m.  

    Oh!! I know her too! Sometimes. I will go to eat something that I SWORE was there yesterday, it no longer is. She steals my food. And she puts gray hairs on my poor dog. Not me-yet. She made my bed lower. Or me taller. Gosh!

    P.S.- your funny!


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